Cleaning House and Moving On

http://thereasoner.com/blog/5-signs-of-narrow-minded-selfish-friends-that-can-hurt-you/

The topic for this blog is one of the most awaited topics to discuss. The topic of cleaning house has changed my life for what I thought was horrible. I soon realized that it was for the best. In high school we were known as the three musketeers, Tempest, Amanda and I. After years of long talks, hours of crying and days filled with fun, I realized I wasn’t getting anything out of it. My first year of college left me with an empty hole in my heart. I thought my two friends could only understand. After days of calling and hoping that one of them would answer the phone, I was left by myself. A week goes by and they both call me back. Talking back and fourth and trying to see which one would make me feel better faster was my goal. When the phone was placed back down I realized that I never stated what my problems were. I only heard them talk about both of theirs. At that very moment I understood one of the most valuable things in my life; never put other people’s feelings before my own. I continued to call and see if things we going to change but to my surprise the patterned continued. I made plans for Amanda, Tempest and I to hang out and inform each other on our lives but they never showed. I was in the restaurant waiting and waiting but they never came. I made plans for us to have movie night like we use to and I found myself watching the movie and eating the popcorn alone. After trying numerous times I became drained and emotionally unsatisfied with them both. A few weeks after having that revelation I broke free from Amanda’s grasp and it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. At the end of all of the drama I found strength and that’s all I needed. The stress of not resolving things took a toll on every relationship I had. The people I thought I could vent to proved over and over again that I couldn’t. I worked desperately to salvage the last of the musketeers by letting her say and do whatever she pleased. She was very egocentric and had a pseudo-listening style. I was seeing the same pattern all over again. I was not able to talk about my issues but once again I ignored my feelings. I began to counterfeit my true feelings and change my emotional language. I quickly realized that I was changing myself for someone who could care less. One month ago to this date I cleaned my house completely. The last straw was pulled and my emotions got the best of me. Tempest and I could not be friends anymore. I was sick and tired of being around people that didn’t care about me. I was done. After expressing myself in such an emotional manner I stepped back and wondered why I invested so much into this long relationship. Friendships should be about something so much greater and when you can relate it the Social Exchange Theory, I believe it’s time to leave. I didn’t and still don’t want to save this friendship. I have changed and grown into a better person and I’m ready to have better friends. I am in my third year of college and I can truly say that I love being me. The people that I let go are no longer holding me down and preventing me to prosper. I have a loving boyfriend of five years and a new best friend that is there for me when I need her and vice versa. When writing this blog I thought about so many things that I wanted to compare this situation to and the one thing that stuck out in my mind was the relationship with Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. I am fully aware that people can make their own decisions and at the end of the day if something goes wrong you can only blame yourself. I truly believe your surroundings and people in your life can hurt or help you. Britney was living and loving life and doing what she had to do, it was only after spending some time with Paris when her life spiraled out of control. Britney’s inability to remove herself from the negative lime light endangered her ability to do the right things. If Brittney would have cleaned house and removed herself from the negative atmosphere she still would have been successful and more importantly still had her children. Fortunately, I was able to remove myself from the negative people and bounce back and live life. When searching for scholarly information about my situation I ran across a blog that discussed the issues I was going through. This website focused on selfish friends and the author is a man that has been blogging and giving out information for many years. I chose this information for two reasons, one because it focused on my situation and two, it was done on a professional and intelligent blog. The author of the blog is known as the reasoner and has a host of ways to get in contact with him. When going through the different situations with my friends I truly believed that something was wrong with me and I was the one that was doing all the wrong. When I first noticed that I was constantly leaving the phone the same way I got on it, I began to reflect on each conversation post mortem. The things on this website are all the things I noticed. They only called me when they were depressed, only cared when I agree with them, and constantly acted stubborn and righteous. All these things helped me to cope with the loses. I soon realized that IT WASN’T MY FAULT. After going through so many changes, my life is better. I have found that cleaning house is not a negative aspect. Life brings you different people and it is your responsibility to see what’s right for you. People change every second and leaving people behind is something that as times needs to be done. Evaluate your life and make sure that your are getting something out of the relationships and if not let it go.