He Said, She Said

http://ezinearticles.com/?Men-are-From-Mars-Women-are-From-Venus&id=392958

Communication is obviously one of the most important aspects in any and every relationship. From past relationships I have found that my male relationships differ from my female relationships. When communicating with males, I find myself rarely expressing my emotions and when communicating with females, I always express myself. After five years of being with my boyfriend, Corey, I noticed that we communicate on two different levels. I show my emotions in every situation and Corey, at times doesn’t know what emotions are. Corey and I have known each other since we were three years old and became friends soon after. The communication we shared when we were friends was straightforward and easygoing. The communication we share as significant others are complex and difficult. We tried desperately to find ways to communicate in an effective way, but each time we failed. The last attempt was to write letters to one another, this was by far the key source to the success of our relationship.

When evaluating past and present relationships, it was clear that the way in which you communicate is solely on the relationship itself. Friends, family members and significant others all communicate in different ways. Corey and I communicated by writing letters and our goal was to save our relationship and prosper as one. I believe that the source behind men and women communicating differently comes from birth. Men are taught to hide there feelings and never express themselves. Women are taught to wear there feelings on their sleeves. Everyday of your life you are supposed to live up to this gender biases and play your role as a female or male. Communication goes hand and hand with the behavior that is taught to both genders.

In the book Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, indicate that men and women are different and it’s ok (the link above will show some of the differences that are outlined in the book). We as people are suppose to see and understand the differences and embrace them. When looking up information about the book I thought of the quote that states “opposites attract.” This quote is very significant in my romantic relationship with my boyfriend Corey. Corey and I are like day and night and we love each other tremendously. Opposites are what makes the world go around, if everyone was the same, diversity wouldn’t exist. Men and women will forever be different, and it’s ok.

There are many communication theories that can be assigned to the difficulties women and men have when communicating. The two theories that I am going to focus on are the Uncertainly Reduction Theory and Muted Group Theory. The Uncertainty Reduction Theory can be compared to this topic because if a woman or man feel that their partner is a stranger in regards to communicating, then the communication is lost. Being defensive in a relationship is a sure way to lose the relationship. If there is no sense of unity or understanding then opening up to one another is never going to happen. The Muted Group Theory is a theory that is based on how men and women view certain aspects of the world. Perception is key to this theory, women see the world one way, while men another. This theory underlines and enhances the views on why men and women speak different languages.

Three years ago on December 24, Corey and I traveled on an emotional rollercoaster together. Not realizing that good communication was the key to our success, we argued, screamed and used profanity to get our points across. After many regretful words and eventually a breakup we soon realized what we did wrong. Distance and the right amount of communication is what brought us back together. We couldn’t believe that we ended a relationship over petty and trivial behavior. Hours of being upset and wanting to still argue, I dove deeper into the situation. Corey and I at that point never fault or argued about anything. I knew at that very instant that the volcano was going to erupt. I sat and thought about everything that he did that made me mad. I began to spit out the dumbest and simplest things that he had ever done in the three years we were together. I was shocked when he started to do the same. We argued and argued but surprisingly after that argument we found an even slate and knew at that moment how to argue by not doing what we were just doing.

As I was taking the gender communication quiz Corey was insisted upon taking it as well. When he used his domineering personality to express his views and opinions I immediately answered true to the question stating “Men are more likely to interrupt women than to interrupt other men.” I pose this to be true because if the tables were turned and a man was taking this test, I strongly believe that Corey wouldn’t express his needs to take the quiz. Throughout the quiz we argued about some of the answers but shockingly we agreed on majority of them. One of the questions that we argued the most about and had very different views on was the question stating, “Men not only control the content of conversations, they also work harder in keeping the conversations going.” I felt as if this statement was completely false and it is definitely the other way around. I believe that at least in my relationship that I control the content and I keep the conversation going. Corey on the other hand felt that this statement was true. When reading the story in the Mercury Reader entitled Sex, Lies and Conversation. Deborah Tannen, the author helped to make the answer to this question clear. According to an observation done by scientist Andrew Hacker, “although American men tend to talk more than women in public situations, they often talk less at home. And this pattern is wreaking havoc with marriage.” In this story one character clearly states that his wife is the one that starts and keeps the conversation going. My views and beliefs were shown to be correct.

Corey and I evaluated our communication habits and we discussed the reasons why we think we are so different. I started by stating that he doesn’t think before he speaks, however he has a come back for everything I say before I even say it. He began to state that I think too much about a situation and with that said that is why I get so angry with him. We discussed many things but at the end of our conversation I told him that we never really talked about our communication habits. I stated that I do not like the fact that he holds everything in and never expresses his issues until it’s too much to handle. He agreed by saying that he doesn’t like confrontation all the time so he keeps things to himself. He then goes on to tell me that he hates the fact that I won’t give him time to take everything in. I then agreed with him by saying that we need to find a common ground that works for the both of us. Corey and I went on for hours about what we like and dislike about each others communication. After discussing this and understanding one another I believe that it helped to make our relationship stronger.